“Do you know how to cook Chapos?” He asked,

“Do you think we are birthed knowing how to cook Chapos?” I responded

His question was not a compliment, I could tell from his tone. After he had praised how beautiful I was. Was this really my place? The Kitchen! Cooking, the ability to nourish oneself in the hands of others, was meant for me. A woman. Of course it made me angry. I was angry. We should all be angry.

We are made to think of marriage as the prize. And after marriage we give birth to children. Talking of giving birth, we are told to give birth at an appropriate age. But who dictates the age? I am told that conceiving before that age is termed as unwanted pregnancy. But also not being able to birth at that age is termed as barren. For they say that, to be a wife without a womb was, and is, to be USELESS.

Still on marriage, it is dictated that a woman at a certain age if not married should see it as a Personal Failure.

At 30 right?

I’m 30. You are 30 right! And you are a man. Typically, you don’t get the pressure to marry. Newsflash, is that old men prefer ladies in their 20s. Young men also get their share with ladies in their 20s. But what is left for the old women? I’m left to wonder.

He then said, ‘You are a Woman! It’s easier for you! You get things easily.’

But who knows the difficulties that come with getting those things easily as he claimed.

I didn’t understand how he couldn’t see the evident!

That as a woman I can have ambition, but not too much.

That as a woman I can be successful but not too successful.

Otherwise I will threaten the MAN.

If there is an English word Chimamanda Adichie dislikes more this is “Emasculation”

Read on: “We Should All be Feminists” and “Dream Count”

Authored by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Comments (10)

• Lokumu

  January 17, 2026

  Amazing piece

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• Mercy

  January 17, 2026

  This is amazing 👏

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• Faith Njoki

  January 17, 2026

  Cooking is an essential skill for everyone really, but again not all people enjoy cooking, and that should be okay regardless of gender.

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• Dicko

  January 17, 2026

  You haven't answered the question. " Can you cook chapos?" I'm very curious 😂😂😂. But anyway the society exist in inequality, where men tend to be given more power over women. Hopefully this will change but for now, get used to it.

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• Anonymous Cheeter

  January 16, 2026

  I'm loving this.. Could you pls write one about financial responsibilities?

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• Main Admirer

  January 16, 2026

  Cooking is an art, and should be appreciated that way and not as anyone's responsibility in marriage....

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• Amtavi

  January 16, 2026

  Marvelous

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• Benardoh

  January 15, 2026

  Cooking is nowadays everyone's thing. Sharing responsibilities too. So you better arm yourself with some skills to avoid disappointment 😃

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• Faith

  January 15, 2026

  Beautiful writing classmate 😊

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• Gift

  January 15, 2026

  I think everyone should learn how to cook, is like a basic human task, just like how everyone eats.

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