They say that when you are married to a family, as a woman, you have to carry their family burdens on your shoulders.

Marriage became a thing not to be enjoyed, but to be endured. It tested how of a hardcore you are as a woman. It tested your faith and belief as woman. And if it found you spongy you’d get wholly absorbed in it. Truthfully, I hate family burdens that entangles with curses. I’m not even sure if I believe in curses. Talk about getting married to a sober man who later turns to a drunkard. Would you leave your marriage to find greener pastures for yourself? What about that woman who got engaged and was left as a widow to bear the burden of raising the kids. Yes Kids. Kids who become a trauma to that widow. We say ‘mama never raised a fool’, but we kids turn to fools who traumatised the mama who raised us.

I saw in in her eyes. The teary eyelids. She felt exhausted. Her spirit teared to the ground. She was tired of listening to all those problems that felt unsolved in her heart. She found peace in taking it to the Lord in Prayers. Chong’a gi Loo that is what Carol Giftthe musician encouraged most women to do. She would cry herself to sleep every night however composed she was in daylight. I envied how hardworking she was. No support from a sponsor, I hear they call them blessers this days. No ex boyfriends. Not even the non-fool kids she raised.

Earlier on, she narrated to me of how she got that job that was killing her back and legs every day. She had escaped the husband’s family burdens that were shouldered on her, just to find peace and comfort that is a rare mineral on this earth. She had fled to eat scrapped food that were left on vibandas. She scrambled for food with Chokoras on the streets terming it as Manyo Pesa emokela Nairobi. And for that peace she was looking for she never found it. Let alone comfort.

I hear the burden shows up when you get married. Married to that man who doesn’t have a future plan. Married to that man who has no agenda. And to that one who doesn’t want to direct you. He wants to be pampered. Soft life. And be carried and tied like a baby on her mama’s back. Gone are the days when we used to have men who lead with intention. Today, they will your attention but do nothing to attract it.

Mine started with a chase, and when I give in, it turned to happiness. The happiness blured my sight and before I realize it, I was eggshell careful not to offend. I started enduring the burden. But the burden was too heavy that to bear it quitely was to dishonor it.I become a beggar without shame. The shame brought about by my MAN! Whom I term as my HUSBAND!

Him who had no future plan about us. He said ‘I love you’ more times than he meant it. I thought ‘love’ meant involve me, as far as I understood it. Or maybe, he sure did involve me but I doubted him. His reasoning when asked about the plan became so irrational that a kid’s judgement to it would take him to jail. We were sailing on the surface because there was no option of depth. Not until kids came about and we termed it as a mistake. With his no plan no agenda mentality, I felt securely entitled but was blurred by affection.

That enduring stupidity of the married wife!

I wanted to go back to my fathers house. But my mother had endured it, so why would I run from mine. I felt tied to his family. I was obliged to serve him. And as a wife, I couldn’t choose me. I was here for service, and service here, I delivered.

Happy Easter Holidays!

And husbands take your burdens to Christ. DO NOT dump the burden to your wives!

Comments (7)

• Stan Loki

  April 14, 2026

  If you ever falling short because of others then it’s high time for “Chongi gi Loo”…Ask God for divine healing 👏👏👏This’s a good piece toto✊✊✊

  👍 React

• 🦋Lee🍫

  April 3, 2026

  "Loch biro".......Becoming a begger without shame has to change to a begger who tell other beggers where to find bread 🤣 This has really inspired me❤️🤗

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Samir

  April 3, 2026

  This is deeply moving and beautifully written. It speaks truth with so much strength and honesty, while still holding onto hope. A powerful reminder that women deserve peace, support, and a love that truly feels like partnership

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Emmanuel

  April 2, 2026

  You hit on a crucial point: the 'generational trap.' When we see mothers endure, we mistake their suffering for a blueprint. Your words challenge the idea that 'service' in marriage should come at the cost of one's own soul. A marriage without a shared agenda is just a solo journey with extra weight. More ink to your pen 🖋

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Titus yegon

  April 2, 2026

  What stands out most is the emotional honesty. You don’t try to decorate the pain you let it show as it is heavy, confusing, and exhausting. The idea that marriage shifts from something joyful to something to endure is uncomfortable, but real. And that discomfort is what makes this piece powerful.

  👍1❤️1(2)

  👍 React

• author

  April 1, 2026

  Makes me remind myself that marriage is a social affair not a cooperate affair

  👍2(2)

  👍 React

• Lokumu

  April 1, 2026

  We are raised to believe that good daughters replicate their mothers. Your mother did not suffer for you to reharse her suffering.

  👍2😂1(3)

  👍 React