It didn't take him that long, only a few seconds and his job was done. Yet her job would last nine months and more years of catering for an unborn child. The child he rejected outright.

“You probably got many sex partners…I believe I am not the only one you got…the baby ain't mine,” went the low and cutting voice with harsh edges. “You can go ahead and abort the thing, if you don't want to keep it, I'll get you some money,” Linda’s boyfriend's voice echoed over the phone, with tension in his throat. She felt numb from disbelief, then came the ache that settled heavily on her chest, then the wave of shame swept by, slowly ensnaring her. The unfairness felt crude and dehumanizing; two people had sex, then one was left cleaning up the mess. She felt her heart shattering to millions of pieces within her, the pain crashing her bones and eating her flesh, her whole being felt numb.

She had not made the Genius World Record as the first girl to be rejected by a boyfriend, as it had become a norm she was very familiar with. Yet her case hit differently, like it deserved to be broadcasted in the national headlines, Breaking News. She felt the pinch of injustice. Coming to the realization that an injustice is never considered much of an injustice until we fall victim to the very same injustice.

She was caught in between the conflicting choices of keeping the child and abortion. Could a wrong right a wrong, premarital sex, then abortion? The burden of keeping the child weighed heavily on her. Will she manage to raise the child alone, given her circumstances? Jobless. Penniless. Hopeless. She was barely 18…yet indulging in baby making acts. Sex had become an expensive affair, whose price she never contemplated beforehand. Could she pay the price alone?

Her mind raced back to girls who succumbed to the same fate as hers, she sought consolation from their experiences, convincing herself that though she was rejected, she’s never alone.

***

There was the girl down the streets in her neighbourhood who got pregnant in High School. She was shunned and shamed by the whole community, being spitten on as the rotten apple, that would spoil the other sound apples. Parents warned their girls not to associate with her, lest they also ended up getting pregnant and staining their family's reputation.

“That one was doomed to get pregnant very soon…with those small skirts that she walks around with…half naked, huh,” many scoffed.

“I always see her with different men…mmhn, exchanging men at the rate she exchanges her clothes…she wanted it, she got what she wanted,” some replied.

It was later on confirmed that she was raped. This fact however, never calmed the hot tongues of society, itching to air out uninformed views. The responses took another route, yet still pointing a blaming hand at her. Apparently being raped was solely her fault.

“What was she wearing, short skirts or some tight jeans…what do you expect, going around showing men all that flesh, men don’t have self control, Ooh…show ‘em mouth watering delicacy and be sure they’d want a taste of it?”

“Was she flirting with men, girls these days, they go on flirting with men, the next thing they are raped…would you blame men, the girls are a stumbling block…the girl is at fault, I blame the stumbling block….”

“Was she drinking…she must have been drunk out late and ended up sleeping with some guy…she must have consented…you can’t say no when you’re drunk, can you. She definitely asked for it”

“Where was she…children of today, roaming around till late, the streets are not safe ooh, if one ends up being raped then they have themselves to blame, I mean, was she out late?”

These were just but some of the responses in bid to justify her fault in being raped, while the suspect, the rapist roamed around freely uncondemned by society. The girl realizing the unforgiving tongue of society succumbed to suicide, unable to carry the guilt and stigma wrapped around her.

Then there was her classmate who got pregnant, but went for abortion. No, her parents opted for abortion. Abortion seemed the only way to retain their reputation, from the stain. The whole idea was silently planned and thoroughly executed, given the illegality of abortion as dictated by the constitution of the land. Yet, despite its illegality, there are medics and persons willing to risk the operation. Persons in this case implies untrained individuals lacking the professionalism it takes to perform abortion, whose thirst for money supersedes their ethical and moral conducts.

The abortion room was stark and unsettling, sending shivers of discomfort through her veins. Her mum waited outside, as she walked into the room to face the consequences of her actions, she was scared, she needed assurance that everything was going to be well, but uncertainty clouded the air she breathed that evening, as dusk slowly set in. The floor was littered with stains, hinting lack of proper sanitation and hygiene, with medical instruments scattered haphazardly on a metal table, some rusty. Dim lighting casts eerie shadows adding to her discomfort and fear as thick unpleasant air hangs heavily in the room. A man emerged from another room and motions her to lie on a bed by the corner. Moments later, cramps and pain set in, holding her captive….She passed out, mid operation. Excess bleeding. Panic. She was then immediately rushed to the ER. It took the medics hours to stabilize her. Fortunately, the bleeding was stopped and she didn’t suffer from organ damages or incomplete abortion. Unfortunately the emotional and psychological effects remain rampant. There are moments when she is overwhelmed with guilt and shame, regretting her actions. Depression has been a constant struggle….

Given the effects of terminating pregnancy, Linda’ s mind immediately races to her cousin, who courageously and against all odds decided to keep her child. A staunch Catholic, abortion was too big a sin, it was murder, an act she vowed not to partake in. Just like Linda and thousands of girls in different parts of the globe, her perpetuator, so-called boyfriend, denied the pregnancy and cowardly took off. Of a humble background, her family was not able to seek the justice she deserved, hence with a heavy heart yet with a determined will, she commenced the bittersweet journey of pregnancy and motherhood.

The first trimester which lies between conception to about twelve weeks was marked by nausea, vomiting, mood swings, food cravings, breast changes, tiredness and frequent urination. The frequent urination in particular disgusted her most, but she had to brace herself and put up with it. In her second trimester, the morning sickness eased and she had some energy in her, getting used to the physical and emotional changes that proved inevitable in the path of pregnancy. Her stomach was almost visible by now, it couldn’t be hidden any more. The whole world knew. She remained unbothered, giving a deaf ear to society’ s uncalled for judgements. It was at this period of time that she felt the first movements of her child, it was miraculous, it strengthened her.

The third trimester marked the peak of her pregnancy as she anticipated welcoming her unborn into the world. She felt the kicks and jabs in her stomach, and wondered what a lively child her unborn would grow into. The unwanted child. She connected with her child, sensing when he was awake or asleep. Then came the labour pains, marked by intense rhythmic contractions of the uterus. She was rushed into the nearby dispensary, unable to contain the foreign pain that held her captive. The deep cramping started from her lower back and radiated to her abdomen, growing stronger and frequent. She was taken into the delivery room, hours upon arrival due to lack of space in the small crumpled dispensary that served more than it barely could.

She was afraid, afraid of so many things, a couple of what ifs clouded her mind, as anxiety and anticipation heightened. The rest is history as she delivered a bubbly baby boy, who was then named Sulwe, a star in her local dialect. She heaved a sigh of relief, overwhelmed with a cocktail of emotions, was she to cry or rejoice? She was filled with awe, love and gratitude, she whispered a prayer. Yet alongside the joy, exhaustion and vulnerability set in…she thought of her boyfriend, the father of her child, if only he supported her. Her eyes filled with tears, one couldn’t tell if they were tears of joy or deep seated sorrow, she held her now sleeping child to herself and whispered ‘us against the world…’

***

Linda regretted what had become of her, yet her regrets could not undo the trajectory her life had taken, as you reap what you sow. She reaped pregnancy, an unplanned child, an unwanted child.

She called the so-called boyfriend, “I’ve decided to…No have decided to…my baby…”

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